There were a few 'bittersweets' this week...
First, of course, leaving home, my husband and my son, yet coming here to UG to be with my daughter..
Then there was, finally being with my daughter, yet convincing her that I'm not a stranger.. hmm. that was a toughy. Thankfully it only lasted a few hours.
This week was also the one year anniversary of Deken's homecoming to America. Yet... I was here in UG, and not with him.
Now I have been here a whole week, and have had an amazing week getting to know this little bundle of joy of mine. Yet, I think I officially miss my other bundle at home. I missed him all along, but I don't think it was until I truly started to have fun and laugh and giggle with my little girl, on a regular basis, that I now realize how much I miss it at home too.
My little girl started calling me Mommy yesterday. Before she used to swat at me and pat my leg to get my attention. Now she sticks her face in mine and says "Mommy?" Yet, it sounds different. Their voices are different. Their reflection is different. If I was standing in a large crowd with Deken, I would recognize if he was calling me, over the rest in the room. Now I have to listen for two sounds... I love it, but hope I pay attention!
This week I had to do everything and anything to help my daughter settle with me... Now we are starting to transition a bit. It's for the best, but I kind of miss some of it... She now will sit in her own chair to eat, yet it was kind of fun having her in my lap. And a two days ago I got her to sleep in her own bed. Tonight I got her to fall asleep on her own, instead of rocking her to sleep for 30 min. It was a sweet time this past week rocking her to sleep... But I'm glad we're past the screaming when I try to lay her down! Tonight I laid her down first, and she stroked my face a bit, and then drifted off to sleep. Progress! I've been one tired momma this week.
Our moments have been sweet. Some of them a bit bitter... I'm so proud of her progress... yet sad that in just one week, I'm already watching her grow up and change so fast!
Out to the village tomorrow!
~K
Oct 23, 2010
Oct 20, 2010
Sometimes
My little girl is 23 months old. Sometimes I think she is 5, maybe 6, maybe my age....
She's sweet and funny, and super tiny, but living much older than any 23 month old should have to. She wants to feed me and sweep the floors. She always gives me her last bite. She squeezes and holds me tight, then looks at my face and brushes the hair behind my ears. If the strap on my tank falls off my shoulder she puts it back up for me. If my shoes are on the floor she brings them to me and puts them on my feet. I'm also pretty sure she tried to fluff my pillow last night.
I'm told by the people I'm staying with that she speaks better Lugunda than most 5 year olds. She understands my English, but can only respond in Lugunda.. After about 5 hours with me, I think she knew I couldn't understand her. She started taking me by the hand to show me things, and pointing. Sometimes while she's playing in the other room, she looks up at me, puts her toys down and runs to me to kiss my forehead. Something a Mother would do while passing through a room, laundry basket in hand.
She tries to scratch my freckles off. Today she took the end of a comb and tried to clean my toes with it. She picks fuzz out of my hair all day long. While I was laying on the bed reading she brought me a bottle of lotion. I opened it and put some in her hands, and then to my surprise she rubbed it all over my leg. Then she shook the bottle at me to open again and proceeded with my other leg. When she was done, she put the bottle back on the table and went back to trying on the rest of her clothes (for the third day in a row). Sometimes I can't help myself, but to let her do these things. I've learned so much about her in just 3 days. Sometimes I just want to cry... Today she was picking her teeth from the pork we had at dinner, and then she tried to feed it to me... /Sometimes I forget that there was a time when she didn't have enough food to eat.. yet she still tried to give me her 'left overs'....
Sometimes I wonder how a child so young, could feel so much responsibility? Sometimes I stop to think "Why doesn't she run around like a crazy child, play with toys screaming and yelling? Sometimes I want to cry when she picks up the napkin at dinner and wipes my face with it.... Sometimes I want to cry when she stands in front of me and starts her own little interpretive dance... Had she gone that long without toys that she would rather wiggle around than hug and rock a baby doll to sleep? Sometimes I forget that she's only 23 months old. She may only be about 25 inches tall, but she stands about 25 miles high.
Sometimes I wonder why God put me on this path to be her mother. What is it about me that HE thinks is going to be able to help this strong little girl, learn how to be a little kid? How do you teach a child to be a child? I've never known more patience in my entire life than I have seen in myself these last 3 days... I never knew I was capable of something like this. I already know what's best for her, and I've only known her three days. I already can comfort her. I already have taught her that when I say NO, I mean business. I've already taught her that when she hurts, she can come to me. I have to just keep telling myself that God thinks I am the only person in this world that can be her Mother.. But how do I teach her that the weight of the world is not on shoulders? Oy vey...
Say a little prayer for my little girl tonight... Pray that I can show her that someday she will be a little girl, and just that. And pray for my husband and little boy.. I miss them and their hugs so much...
Goodnight from Uganda
~K
She's sweet and funny, and super tiny, but living much older than any 23 month old should have to. She wants to feed me and sweep the floors. She always gives me her last bite. She squeezes and holds me tight, then looks at my face and brushes the hair behind my ears. If the strap on my tank falls off my shoulder she puts it back up for me. If my shoes are on the floor she brings them to me and puts them on my feet. I'm also pretty sure she tried to fluff my pillow last night.
I'm told by the people I'm staying with that she speaks better Lugunda than most 5 year olds. She understands my English, but can only respond in Lugunda.. After about 5 hours with me, I think she knew I couldn't understand her. She started taking me by the hand to show me things, and pointing. Sometimes while she's playing in the other room, she looks up at me, puts her toys down and runs to me to kiss my forehead. Something a Mother would do while passing through a room, laundry basket in hand.
She tries to scratch my freckles off. Today she took the end of a comb and tried to clean my toes with it. She picks fuzz out of my hair all day long. While I was laying on the bed reading she brought me a bottle of lotion. I opened it and put some in her hands, and then to my surprise she rubbed it all over my leg. Then she shook the bottle at me to open again and proceeded with my other leg. When she was done, she put the bottle back on the table and went back to trying on the rest of her clothes (for the third day in a row). Sometimes I can't help myself, but to let her do these things. I've learned so much about her in just 3 days. Sometimes I just want to cry... Today she was picking her teeth from the pork we had at dinner, and then she tried to feed it to me... /Sometimes I forget that there was a time when she didn't have enough food to eat.. yet she still tried to give me her 'left overs'....
Sometimes I wonder how a child so young, could feel so much responsibility? Sometimes I stop to think "Why doesn't she run around like a crazy child, play with toys screaming and yelling? Sometimes I want to cry when she picks up the napkin at dinner and wipes my face with it.... Sometimes I want to cry when she stands in front of me and starts her own little interpretive dance... Had she gone that long without toys that she would rather wiggle around than hug and rock a baby doll to sleep? Sometimes I forget that she's only 23 months old. She may only be about 25 inches tall, but she stands about 25 miles high.
Sometimes I wonder why God put me on this path to be her mother. What is it about me that HE thinks is going to be able to help this strong little girl, learn how to be a little kid? How do you teach a child to be a child? I've never known more patience in my entire life than I have seen in myself these last 3 days... I never knew I was capable of something like this. I already know what's best for her, and I've only known her three days. I already can comfort her. I already have taught her that when I say NO, I mean business. I've already taught her that when she hurts, she can come to me. I have to just keep telling myself that God thinks I am the only person in this world that can be her Mother.. But how do I teach her that the weight of the world is not on shoulders? Oy vey...
Say a little prayer for my little girl tonight... Pray that I can show her that someday she will be a little girl, and just that. And pray for my husband and little boy.. I miss them and their hugs so much...
Goodnight from Uganda
~K
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