I put my kid to bed crying tonight. Not me crying, but him....
First I have to admit, we have it really easy with Deken. He doesn't throw tantrums, he doesn't act out in public. He's all around a pretty happy kid. The only times we ever see him cry is when he gets hurt, or when he's woken up the one or two times since we've been home, which we are suspecting is from some sort of nightmare. Lately he gets a little teary-eyed if he has an 'accident', but then he quickly runs to the bathroom, and he's over it.
But tonight.....this was different. Something Marty and I haven't seen. It's hard being a first-time parent to a two year old. We don't always know what to expect, and when it's coming. And we for sure don't know how to handle them all.
I know some of you may laugh, and think what I'm about to tell you is nothing big at all. I've heard stories of tantrums in the grocery store and fits in restaurants, so this may not be big for you, but it was for me. But in a good way. So here goes....
We're not a dessert-after-dinner-kinda-family. We just don't do it. We try to eat healthy, filling meals, and I'm one of those 'makes from scratch' moms/wives. Tonight I made homemade potstickers with a side of broccoli dipped in soy. Some of you that know where we live, might know that we were pummelled with snow today, so we planned on taking Deken outside after dinner to play in the snow while Marty and I shoveled the driveway. But Marty had a quick phone call he had to make and said he needed about 10 minutes. So I decided to give Deken half of a chocolate eclair we got from Marty's dad yesterday.
To my knowledge this was Deken's first chocolate eclair, and he seemed to be thoroughly enjoying it quite a bit. I even got a little video of him diving into it, just hoping to grab the moment when he squeezes down and custard shoots out the back. When it did, he took a towel and wiped it up, and continued to shove the rest in his mouth.
Now, to back track a bit, we are a very manners-driven family. We say please and thank you, we give hugs and kisses goodbye, we put our own garbage in the trash can, we clean up our toys when we're done with them, we wait our turn, we know whinning is bad, and Deken will even say "yes mommy" or "yes daddy" when we ask him to do something. We believe that starting to instill these values in Deken when he's young, will help him to grow up to have a great foundation of respect. Remember, we're 18 months behind in raising him, so we're kinda just starting everything at once.
I was so excited the day that Deken learned the concept of saying please. I tried not to give in everytime he used the term, but you get so proud of your kid when they do, and they do it right. In the instances that he asks for something nicely, and I have to decline, I try to always explain to him why, and then Thank him for asking so nicely. So far so good. He usually looks sad for about 3 seconds, and then he moves on.
Today however, not so well done. As he finished the last of his half of a chocolate eclair, he picked up the bowl and directed it to me and said "More chocolate please Mommy" Marty and I laughed and I looked at him and smiled saying "No more chocolate hunny, all done. Just one today"
And here went the water works. But not the screaming, fighting kind. It welled up slowly, and then a little cry came out. But it was the same "I fell down and bit my tongue" cry. I was confused. We tried reasoning with him several times. Nothing. He really had this look on his face as if he was really sad and hurt by not getting more.
We were at a loss. We want to be sure to always raise him with standards, limits, and boundries. We DEFINITELY know that we can't give in when he cries. But this was hard. He looked like we hurt his feelings., not like he was just being whinny and selfish. After a few minutes, and his apparent opposition to understanding that he can't have anymore (everytime I said the word chocolate his cry peaked a bit), we had no other choice but to tell him that it was time for bed. No, he wouldn't be going outside to play in the snow. Being greedy and not grateful isn't going to go over well in the Duffy house...
He cried all the way down to the bathroom, all during his time in the bathroom (not a screaming cry, but more of a soft, teary, sad cry, with a few hiccups in between) and all the way to his room. We calmly and quietly got him dressed for bed, both gave him a hug, laid him down and closed the door.
We looked at each other, a bit shocked, not knowing what to make of it. We know for sure that we agree on not having given him more chocolate. That just seemed as though it would open up a whole new side of Deken, where he would think that he could cry to get what he wants. But I was torn however with how to get him to stop. I really had a hard time keeping myself from consoling him... But I truely felt as though I couldn't, because we wanted to do everything we could to not encourage his behavior. His crying was unacceptable to us, yet a bit un-nerving as well. I'm leary as to what is to come as I see him slowly developing in his young 2's.. But confident that as long as Marty and I work together, we'll be alright.
But boy, this was def an unexpected event.. I really had to hold myself from laughing. If you knew us, and knew Deken, you probably would want to laugh too.
